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My pride over replying to all the comments on my check-ins was short-lived.  Ah, well.  I do plan to reply to all the comments before the next check-in.  I do read them; they mean a lot.

Test mile: I managed to eke out the test mile 2 of the 3 past days, but I see the narrowing of the time tunnel ahead.  I will probably have to suspend writing while on the road, but I will try to continue in the meantime.
I did not manage to get the post on my other sites to act as a placeholder until I can get back to a regular blogging schedule, but I hope to do so before the next check-in.

Packing:  Gah.  I am at the point where I daydream of minimalism, and wonder why I bought all this stuff in the first place.  Of course, I didn’t buy it; I inherited most of it.  While I like some of the pieces, I yearn for my place not to look like indigent graduate student digs. Imagine, some people actually have matching furniture in their living rooms!

What I have learned: I don’t react well to stress.  Big surprise, but I didn’t realize how badly I react to good stress.  I’m excited and looking forward to the move and the new day job, but I have dreams of the boxes becoming animate in the night, shifting forward when I am not looking.  It’s a lovely metaphor and could be a really freaky short story, but in the heart-pounding dark of the night, not so cool.

I’ve also learned the importance to take some time to connect with friends.  I met C.M. Cipriani for a long, farewell lunch the other day; she and I had an interesting conversation about self-pubbed “authors,” (if you read her blog post here, you will understand the quotation marks) who do not edit, proofread, or in other ways improve their texts before they visit them on the public like yellow fever.  Even if we did trash-talk people who drag down our works in the same way that the washer on the porch next door and the three wrecked cars in the front yard two doors down kill our property values, it was such a wonderful thing to sit and share in person.  

I have not been on Twitter or Facebook much in the last several weeks, and I realize (again) how much I miss my online friends.  I need and appreciate your support, and can only hope that I can support you when you need it.

Please encourage all the other ROWers here.

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A brief check-in from me this time, as I have very little new to report.

In my last check-in, I thanked everyone who had commented on my check-ins the last few weeks.  However, I really felt that was insufficient, so I spent part of Friday and Saturday replying to comments. I could not continue to ignore all the support and help I was getting from so many ROWers.

Test mile: I managed to write the test mile most of the past few days, having fun with planning an adventure.  It has been so long since I have been the heroine–I think I was 15 the last time I wrote myself into my fiction.

I hope today to put a post on my other sites to act as a placeholder until I can get back to a regular blogging schedule.

Packing:  While not exactly a goal, packing has become my life.  Much as I hate to admit it, the luster has worn off packing; while I do not yet find it a chore, I find myself bemused by how one packs things only to unpack them a couple of weeks later.  I suppose it does help to organize things, and to plan how to put them in better order in the new place.

What I have learned: I learned that I have a lot of friends out there in the virtual world, many of whom seem to like me, pointing out my positive traits (not to sound too much like Sally Field). Beyond encouraging and supporting me, you gave me several good ideas about my writing slumps and chaos, for which I am deeply grateful.  

Please take a moment to encourage all the other ROWers here. 

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Image from Public Domain Image.com

First, thank you to all the ROWers who have commented on my last few check-ins. Even though I have not yet replied to them, I read them all; your kindness and support often brought tears to my eyes. There are so many wonderful people in this group.

Second, I have not been active on my main site or my Lapidary Prose blog for so long: my apologies. It may be a few weeks yet; I ask your patience as I slowly return to regularly scheduled blogging..

The situation with my mother-in-law is worse–she hit and spat upon someone in her assisted living unit, so they have had enough. I can’t blame them.

My younger son’s situation is improving; I’m proud of him that he picked himself up, dusted himself off, and applied to (and got accepted at) a 2-year college, where he will start taking classes this summer. He didn’t want to lose more school–and that takes some moxie. Furthermore, my older son applied to the same school and also got accepted, so he will be going to school after working for two years. I’m very proud of him, too.

There’s not much else to say, really. I spend my days saying no to new projects at the day job, and my evenings packing (woo-hoo). While time definitely goes by more quickly when one is, um, older, I think these last few weeks before a major life change zip by for everyone.

So to my goals:

Test Mile: After wallowing in the Slough of Despond (gotta love Pilgrim’s Progress) for so long, I took Gene Lempp’s advice and started daydreaming/writing about an adventure where I am the heroine. It has been slow going, but honestly I think it fits my temperament better to write positive things. It helped immensely to get the rotting leaves out of the well, and there’s more shoveling to do, but I do feel better. I’ve always responded well to the “act like it, until you feel it” form of therapy, so it should come as no surprise.

What I learned: I received a huge dose of kindness and support from so many of you; it helped so much that I just might have learned not to hide the next time I feel like a troglodyte.

I’m learning about my strengths instead of wallowing in my weaknesses.

I learned that maybe my kids are all right, despite their incomplete frontal lobes that lead them to make stupid choices occasionally, and despite their inheriting their mother’s stubbornness.

Finally, I learned that my muse can be coaxed out of her cave by pretty, shiny things–”look, a happy story, isn’t that nice, yes, come on, one more step. . .”

I’d like to thank everyone who has started following my blog in the last few days: kiwimedievalist, a fellow medievalist who is in the academic writing group with me; Jenny Keller Ford, a ROWer many of you know, and should check out if you don’t; and Rameshnanda, a blogger with interesting mash-ups.  Welcome!  I encourage all of my followers to look at these and the other folks who follow me–they are a very interesting group with a wide variety of blogs.

Please go encourage all the ROWers here.

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Despite wanting to hide from this check-in, I took to heart Matt Hofferth’s comment on my last check-in that I shouldn’t hide from my friends when things go awry.  Although I’ve only met C. M. Cipriani IRL, I feel that several of you have become very good friends.  So here I am.
The past few days have been a torrent of bad news, with one glorious, shining exception.  My brother’s mass has calcified, which means it is not cancer.  I needed that good news this week; it was wonderful to see the relief and hope in him.
I am also participating in an academic writing group, although my goals this semester are not writing, but packing, organizing the dissertation copies and relevant books so that I will know where they are when I get to Albany, then readying myself for the plunge back into writing.  This semester, Dame Eleanor Hull is organizing the group; Friday she had an interesting post about how she always made up stories in which she was the heroine. I realized when I read it that I was never the heroine of my stories; in fact, I was always the passive waiting-to-be-rescued character.  I was not waiting for rescue as such, but for love–early on, parental love, then in my teens, romantic love.  Somewhere along the line, I stopped being passive and started finding my own rescue, but it dawned on me that I never learned to love myself. I will fight like a tigress for those I love, but I will put up with unconscionable behavior towards myself.
When my sons were 1½ and 2 1/2, my husband and I left our jobs and home in Seattle to go take care of my father-in-law, who had had a massive heart attack.  For several months, I stayed at their home taking care of him and my sons, doing the cooking, and cleaning, while my husband had found a job well below his abilities and former pay.  My father-in-law had another heart attack, which he did not survive. Soon after that, my mother-in-law told us we had to get out of her house within a week, suggesting that the homeless shelter was open.  Actually, I checked, and the homeless shelter was full.  I cannot forgive her for what she did to her son and grandsons, but I have no reaction to her doing it to me..It followed a long line of hateful behavior towards me, not only by her; a pattern of accepting so long that I didn’t feel I deserved anything better. It’s something for me to work through, certainly.
Test Mile: I have started to have days where nothing will come without effort.  My sense of being a failure, like a reverse Midas where everything I touch turns to dung (I’ll substitute a better term for my usual foul language) is bleeding into the writing. I do push through, sometime during the day, usually.
What Have I learned: I think the main thing I’ve learned so far this round is how much writing pulls out of the psyche, and right now my psyche is a mess.  I’m starting to feel that I am not ready to write fiction, but need to exorcise lots of ghosts first. However, Shan Jeniah mentioned in the comments on my last check-in writing through pain, and that may be the way for me to go at first–perhaps I can write a a story where I am the heroine, finally.
I am learning slowly that I do have friends who will put up with my moaning and crying; I want to tell all my friends on my other on-line community how much I appreciate them, as well as my virtual friends here.
I’ve also learned that I am a tough old bird, and that I don’t stay down for long.  Maybe I can use my reverse Midas touch for the postage-stamp garden I will have in Albany.
Please go encourage the ROWers here.

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The past few days have been, um, character-building. I’ve spoken before about the problems of being “Generation Squeeze,” where one is pulled in two directions by the demands of aging parents and of teenage/young adult children. While we were looking for housing in Albany, which was stressful enough, thank you, my mother-in-law’s assisted care residence called my husband three times in the space of 24 hours about problems with her.

In the same 24-hour period, we both missed calls from our eldest son, who never calls, preferring to text. We got in touch with him the next day, hoping he was okay, to find out that he was calling for his brother, who was in trouble with his university. Great: 700 miles away from the mother and 1400 miles away from the son, we sat and worried.

Meanwhile, my muse was just happy as a bear at a fish ladder. “Oh, this is how Maeve feels when . . .” and “this will work well for this scene.” Oh, please, can’t I just have a nervous breakdown without turning it into prose? The answer of course, is no; the writer part of me uses all of this, working through the emotions and the worry and the pain to infuse what I write with all of it–refined, cleaned up, less self-indulgent, but real.

However, even my ebullient muse is slowing down with the worry, the calls, the trips to pick up my son (yes, the trouble was that serious). I’m not dropping out of the Round–if anything, I need this community even more–but I am scaling way back for the time being.  I may scale back up before the end of the Round, but I may not.

My only goal for the foreseeable future is the test mile. As Kait said in the check-in post, it needs to be a stretch; right now, 250 words is a stretch for me.  Most of it will not end up in my fiction, but it will keep me sane (I hope).

I have always liked Matt Hofferth’s What I have learned section; I saw that Lena Corazon has added that as well.  I would like to add that as a goal, but may hold off for a bit. 

Writing: I forgot to thank all the #teamsprinty folks last check-in.  I joined in one day late last week with 15 minutes to go, and wrote 616 words.  Whew!  It was just great.  I recommend doing sprints with them if you have the time–it’s 2pm EST if you’re available.  It is such a wonderful group! 

Exercise: Packing is wonderful exercise, I am finding. My shoulders and back are particularly sensitive, so I am glad that I have an 18-year-old that I can supervise for all the heavy work.  I am still walking, so that continues apace.

Friends: I have a character flaw that I don’t want to bore or burden my friends when all I have to talk about is my troubles.

Family: As I mentioned above, our younger son is back home for the next few months. Our older son wants to talk to us tonight about what to do with his life.  I am pleased that they trust us enough to want to ask us advice; it doesn’t mean they will follow it, but listening is something.

Dealing with my dad is bringing back all kinds of lost little girl feelings; if that were not enough, my brother has further tests this week to ascertain whether his cancer has returned.  Simply put, I am a total mess.

Day Job: My bosses have encouraged me to take all the leave I can manage.  No fool, I am very good at taking hints.

Please encourage all the other ROWers here.

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Thank goodness for this group. Since last check-in, I have been travelling or packing without pause. The test mile refuses to stay in the clear water of the delta, and is dredging the mud and silt of decades. It is fascinating, informative, and exhausting.

I have also come to realize that I have to back off a bit from some of my goals for a little while, and that the world will not end if I do that.

Writing: The test mile continues to be a place where I can vent about the insane family things that have imploded over the past two weeks, or to realize the origin of some character traits that have caused me problems in relationships in the past.

I spent most of Wednesday travelling, getting home at midnight; other than the test mile and an impromptu #wordsprint on Thursday, I have not written, but I’m okay with that.  I have not yet replied to comments on my Wednesday check-in; I am not okay with that.

Exercise: After lots of walking on Wednesday in various airports, I have only had packing as exercise. Something is making my muscles hurt, so I suspect the packing is the culprit.

Family: Due to the ongoing family crises with my mother, my mother-in-law and our youngest son, the family contact has been increased; it’s not always the most positive contact, but more of it is supportive than I would have expected. 

Friends: My on-line friends have been truly supportive these past days; I have been leaning heavily on them, and hope to repay the favor when it is needed. Today, some lovely neighbors of ours invited us over for snacks mid-afternoon, providing a very needed break from the packing.

Day Job: Neither the old nor the new occupies my thoughts; I am very Scarlett about both of them, although I do write down any good ideas I have about the new one before I sweep them out the door.

Have a lovely week everyone, and click here to encourage all the other ROWers.

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Okay, who stole most of January? Really? I clearly remember this Round starting, thinking that all of January lay before me.  Humph! The last few days have flown by due to various family crises; without weighing down this check-in with all the fol-de-rol that happened, I am going to post that on Lapidary Prose.

The good news? We signed a lease Tuesday for a house in Albany.   *throws confetti* I had started to fear that we would be moving things into storage at first, but thank the stars in heaven, that is no longer necessary. I will still endeavour to divest myself of books and other possessions, but not having to move things twice is truly liberating.

On to the accountability portion of our program:

Writing:  I’ve been going beyond the raw outpourings in the test mile, starting to pull pieces into the perspective of one WIP or another.  I’m still struggling with the POV of my female lead in the British bride WIP.  One thing I hope to do this weekend is find a name for her.  Nothing I’ve tried so far works for her.

Exercise:  Not only have I been walking a lot, but I’m walking in 25-40 degree weather.  Yes, I know how mild that is here, but I’m pleased at how well I’ve acclimated to this weather. After all, it is still getting into the 80’s in Gainesville.

Also, I’ve been walking up steps like I grew up with them, and it will only get better.  The house we are renting has a basement and a second-floor—who needs a stair-climber when one’s house serves the same purpose?

Family: I’ve been emailing all the kids pictures of the house. I will need to print some off to send via snail mail to my dad, who regards computers and email somewhat like the brain worms of Star Trek movie fame.

I have not had the courage or the strength to call my dad; I have to do it soon, but do not look forward to it.

As in the last check-in, I’ve been spending inordinate amounts of time with my husband.  Sometimes I am reminded of the expression that marriage is planting two holly bushes too close together, but we have been doing pretty well lately at interleaving our thorns.

Friends: I’ve kept some friends updated on the house hunting, but have not been very supportive on Facebook or commenting on blogs. I will get back to this, I promise, but I may not be my usual, verbose self until next Round.

Day Job: There are things I said I would do that I’ve decided not to do.  Doing them does not benefit me or any of the colleagues that have been supportive or kind. I am quite tired of being the “professional good girl,” and, with apologies,  twisting slightly Elizabeth Ann West’s comment last check-in, I’m putting my oxygen mask on first. Elizabeth Ann meant to take care of myself first, but in this case, I’m taking care of myself, period. Whoo, where did that rant come from?  These morning pages/test miles are peeling the onion, I think!

I do have things to do for some of my colleagues, but they will understand if the kerosene in the lamp runs out before I finish. A good faith effort will suffice.

Overall, I am pleased with progress. I am in so much better shape in so many ways this first day of February than I was this day last year. Isn’t that what it is all about?

As always, please encourage all the other ROWers here.

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Once again, I must ask pardon of all who have commented on my check-in.  Recently, my soon-to-be former place of employment seems to have awakened with knowledge of how much I do, and is desperate for me to tie things up. There are some things that will fall in the laps of people who have been supportive and good to me; I do not want to do that to them, so I’ve been working longer hours than usual at the day job. I hope to get to the comments before next check-in.

Also, my husband and I flew up to Albany on Friday evening. We drove about 200 miles yesterday, looking at rental properties, and have another 3 hours planned for today. While I find it extremely exciting, it is exhausting.  I passed out last night in the middle of a text conversation with my youngest son at about 8:30, only waking up at 7am. I sleep more than most middle-aged women, but that’s ridiculous!

I had to laugh at a comment I overheard when I flew up in December to Albany for the interview.  One young man was grumbling about our flight having to go back to Hartsfield airport to check the nose gear. “All these problems, and I’m only going to Albany! I didn’t want to go in the first place!” Luckily, I am a Pollyanna (I know that comes as a shock to those of you who have been on previous Rounds with me), and I adapted well to every place I have lived. I also overheard that this young man was going to Albany to visit his family for the holidays. If we dislike our places of origin, it is often because we found them lacking, or we found our family of origin lacking.

Perhaps due to that overheard conversation, I have been working through my family connections in my test mile.  Right now, the hardest is my mother, who was depressed and distant when I was a child.  Now she has moderate to severe vascular dementia, barely knowing who I am.  After only a decade or so of truly connecting with my mother, I have lost her again. It is surprisingly heart-breaking.

Enough about me, as I shake myself out of my blue funk. As for my goals:

Writing:  the test mile is going well, and I find myself going beyond the word count I had given myself as a marker. Most of it, as I explain above, is painful and raw. It’s doubtful it will ever see the light in this form, but it has helped me with several of my characters who are lost little girls in one way or another.

Exercise:  I’ve been walking a fair amount. I walked with a colleague at work on Thursday; since then I’ve walked around and through houses, as well as walking in the evenings to get acquainted with the campus and its surroundings.

Family:  Although we’re empty nesters, all four kids want to know about the house hunting, so there’s been a fair amount of contact with all of them. I need to talk to my dad tonight, although my mother has been a problem the last several calls. It doesn’t help that he refuses to acknowledge that he can’t take care of her anymore.

I have been spending a lot of time with my husband over the weekend; we’ve had essentially two date nights in a row. It’s been good to discuss things over house-hunting; we have very different ideas on where to live, and what sort of place to rent. The discussion has been lively and informative.

Friends: I have gone underground a bit with friends. I need to change that soon, as I can feel the draw of the Slough of Despond beckoning. I have not been on Twitter or Facebook enough to support people, and I want to get back to that.

Day Job: I’ve forgotten this goal in recent check-ins—imagine that! I took the entire coming week off to be in Albany for a day or two and to pack the rest of the week. I do have some things to package better before handing them on to colleagues, but the rest—meh. I walked into a mare’s nest in that job, and am proud I’m only leaving a rat’s nest behind.

Overall, I’m feeling good about progress. I should have known that my muse loves it when I am busy—something to remember for the future. The packing is going to take over my life soon, but I feel confident that the muse will get her time in somehow.

Please encourage all the other ROWers here.

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While still knee-deep in packing, I am at least using the time to think through the great mysteries of the universe. How do closets and bookshelves secretly replicate in the night?  Why does it take me more time to do anything–pack, write, plan my life–than everyone else in the world?Seriously, while I am not blazing through anything, I am making progress.  I missed the last check-in, as I had to be at a library conference in Dallas from Saturday through Monday, and didn’t want to haul a computer through several terminals.  I have been writing the test mile every day; sometimes it is a data dump about characters and scenes, at times more mid-life crisis angst, but it is there.

I reworked a scene from the British bride WIP and posted it on Elizabeth Anne Mitchell.  Shan Jeniah rightfully said that she wasn’t feeling the female lead; I have a hard time getting into her head.  I need to have a long conversation with her–I know her external circumstances, why she is afraid to get close, but I don’t know what overrides all that to attract her to my male lead.  He’s been in my head trying to tell his story for over a year now, so I know him very well.  Her, not so much.  I have to get them better names, and I should start thinking about a title. Obviously, I have some work ahead.

So for my goals:

Writing:  I don’t think I’ll be able to get beyond the test mile soon.  I am going up to Albany on Friday to find a place to live; the uncertainty about that undercuts my ability to work on the blogs and the creative writing.

I did read Claire Legrand’s insightful post on blogging this morning; I’m going to work on feeling that it is not only okay, but important, to talk about myself.Behind on replying to comments, but not too far behind.

The new domain is coming along slowly, but I’m not too worried about it right now.  I will post excerpts every so often.

Packing: Last night began the true packing; I have organized things into tiers of necessity–Open First, Open within Two Weeks, and Open when More Settled.  Good Lord, I am a nerd!

Social: Not much this week yet.  I called my dad last night, which became a very difficult conversation.  He is stubbornly refusing to see that my mother is too much for him to handle.  Part of the “Greatest Generation,” he sees his growing inability to care for her as a moral failing.  I swing between wanting to rail at him and wanting to cry.

Exercise: I walked a lot in Dallas, but have not been walking since I got back.  I have been hustling books and boxes, though, for somewhat of a workout.

As always please go encourage all the other ROWers here.

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First, all my blogs were blacked out today.  I am joining the protest against proposed U.S. legislation that threatens internet freedom: the Stop Internet Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect IP Act (PIPA).

Next, most of my time has been spent packing.  Let’s see what my living space looks like.  In this corner, we have the six-piece drum set that my youngest pined after for more than a year; to his credit, he did play for a couple of years after getting it. In that corner is the shredder, with which I am merrily shredding all the junk mail and no-longer-needed paperwork to create confetti for the kitchen packing.  The bedroom looks like straight-line winds hit a thrift store; clothes are in “summer, when will I ever wear this again,” and “Florida winter, passable with hat, gloves, scarves and a couple of sweaters” piles.  And everywhere there are boxes; the china was only packed for a cross-town move, and needs to be babied for its long journey north.

What, this isn’t a moving blog?  Um, sorry!

I find it rather incredible that my muse has decided to come live with me in this mess.  I moved some excerpts to the new domain, ElizabethAnneMitchell.com, and I realized how much I love those characters.  Those of you on Round 3 last year may remember my very insistent hero who was bugging me constantly, well, this is that guy’s, and his wife’s story.  That’s another theme that keeps cropping up in my musings–being the odd one in a situation.  I started another story on that theme last fall, for the Platform Building Campaign challenge. Even though I wrote only 200 words, the idea of the story still pulls me.  All these themes: the odd one out, the lost/good little girl, and the fight for love and acceptance when one doesn’t grow up with it, have deep roots in my own life, but common wisdom is to write what one knows, right?

So for my goals:

Writing:  I’m not pushing beyond the test mile, even though I’m pleased at some of the ideas, and I scribble notes as they come to me.

I have kept up with replies to Sunday’s comments, but I want to make my way back to earlier comments.

I am still working on the new domain.

Packing: I’m at the divide and conquer stage.  It is a really good place for a nester like me to be able to say, “I haven’t touched this in over a year. Buh-bye!”

Planning:  I am still the planning fool.  Maybe it makes sense that I moonlight by working on the organization of information.

Social: Not much this week yet.  I did call my dad last night, so that was something.

Exercise: Although I’ve been using the stairs, I have not been walking the last two days.  All my exercise is packing and coughing.  Wheeee!

And, penultimately, I would like to thank those who have followed my blog since Sunday:

Missy Biozarre is a young adult fantasy/science fiction writer and blogger.  She is following Leavekeeping and Elizabeth Anne Mitchell.

Eden, a fellow ROWer, author of speculative fiction and erotica, started following Leavekeeping

Shan Jeniah Burton, also a fellow ROWer, and master of little to no sleep, started following Leavekeeping.

As always please go encourage all the other ROWers here.