It’s only right that I should hit a wall and need to encourage myself, isn’t it? I changed my goals, for the better, on Sunday. I made some progress on getting back in touch with my friends, as well as surprising my son with a text out of nowhere (he’s impressed his Luddite mother knows how to text!). I didn’t get any writing done on Sunday, but spent several hours tossing out old documents (well, recycling them), filing other things away and generally making the condo a little more liveable.
On Monday, however, life had some surprises for me. We got a call that my mother-in-law, whom we saw last week, was in the hospital. That evening, my brother emailed to set up a conference call with a caseworker to work with my parents to get them into assisted living, and telling me also that he is having tests done today (Wednesday).
Tuesday, the laptop died again, for the third time in six months, so we have no computer at home, since the desktop that figures so prominently on the photo I took of my desk, is a doorstop. We’ve replaced the power supply twice, and have given up. The closest Apple Genius store is 90 miles away, sigh. Thankfully, my husband brought home his work laptop, or I’d be putting quarters in the machine at Fedex.
Today, my husband’s doctor called to schedule some tests for next week. The old chestnut about when it rains, it pours, is certainly proving itself this week.
Add to this that the day job, perhaps sensing my tweaked goals had relegated it to fifth place in my life, stepped it up a notch. I walked in Tuesday to my boss asking if I’d read all the email traffic the evening before. Um, no. Well, I had to and had several questions from the big boss to answer before I put down my purse. Today was just as bad—more questions, needing a fair amount of research, due NOW, so I skipped lunch yesterday and today, and am in a massive foul mood.
Writing? Not happening, although the good thing is I glimpse it through the trees like a clear, inviting pond on a hot day, and I want to be there so much, I can feel the water skimming over my arms and head as I dive in. I figure it is a good sign that the desire is there, even though the mind whirls and the muscles burn from lack of sleep and food and water.
I know that life will settle down, that everyone will get through their tests and procedures and we will face whatever it brings shoulder to shoulder, but man, it is hard when it strikes all at once from all directions. I almost didn’t write a check-in, but the irony of what I wrote in the Monday post last week wouldn’t let me hide.
I don’t feel like a failure, though. I’m upset about the illnesses that my family members face, and frustrated by how little I can do to help. I’m not good with helplessness, which adds to feeling ticked off by the day job and the computer fiasco. Yes, I have put in minimal writing and minimal exercising and feel awful about it, but that’s different from feeling like a failure. I refuse to give up; heck, I’ll eat dirt before I’ll give up. Last round, and I apologize that I can’t remember in this mind rot who told me they would always connect the phrase with me, I used the phrase, “Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down.” Well, it is my tag line this week, because I refuse to fall down!