ROW80

Reflections

One of my goals this Round that I forgot to mention is checking in more often.  As it turns out, I’m a day late, but rather than tell myself I will just wait until the next check-in, since I have found that a slippery slope to disappearing,

Not much has happened yet on my goals, and two days in, I don’t expect much.  What has happened is that I’m not beating myself up about it.  Life certainly happens, and much of my energy is put toward not allowing it to rob me of my creativity. I found with some pride last week that I’ve written several articles in the past year, and that it does get better and faster as I go along.  I am looking forward to putting this epiphany to work on the creative side.

I’m coming up on my birthday, which is bittersweet, as my mother passed away the day before my birthday last year. Both the tolling of the years and the reminder of the impermanence of life are providing much fodder for reflection. I need to stop chasing my tail like an ADD puppy, and approach more of my life mindfully.  Wish me luck!

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9 thoughts on “Reflections”

  1. Good job at not beating yourself up over not meeting goals. Sometimes things happen, and the more we chastise ourselves, the less we end up getting done. Work at your own pace, and change any goals you have to change.

    I know you miss your mother. 😦 The tolling of the years make me think sometimes, too, but I try not to dwell on that. Let’s live in the day!

  2. I love the epiphany, and the self-kindness. Sometimes things don’t happen as quickly as we think they will, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t making progress.

    And I completely understand about the bittersweet birthday. Elijah died four days before my 34th – it’ll be 12 years, this July. I still haven’t gotten the knack of moving from one emotional pole to the other.

    Sending you much love as you negotiate the waves of emotion. ❤

    1. Thanks, Shan. In addition to being impatient, I also tend to compare myself too much to people who are different from me (what a revelation, *blush*). Also, I know you are intimately familiar with birthdays coming too close to the death of a loved one. Thank you for the love ❤

      1. I think we all have our times of comparing ourselves unfavorably to others…we forget that we can never know all the details of someone else’s life, and that we can never be them.

        Sometimes, being me seems more than enough to deal with! =)

        Coincidentally, today is the twentieth anniversary of the death of my first fiance, Tim Simmons. I’ve been mulling over how it seems like that was someone else, there in his hospital room that day, and yet how I can still feel it, in rich sensory detail, as though the shock is only hours old…

        Life and death…

        Maybe the best thing we can do is to love – others, and ourselves. I think Tim would have agreed with that, and been happy that I have this life I have…

  3. I can’t say I wouldn’t skip a late post (sometimes I would, sometimes I wouldn’t), but… I agree about it being a slippery slope. A day late isn’t that bad.

    1. I don’t feel too guilty about a day late, Eden, but once it slips into two, I’m far more likely to wait until the next check-in, and if I’m a day late for that, the pebble starts rolling over the hill. Thanks for the reality check!

  4. We definitely need to treat ourselves kindly. I know I find that difficult at times. So glad that you are reflecting and being kind to yourself. My mom passed away 7 years ago and I still miss her. Thank God for family and memories.

    1. Thank you, Bev. I grew up with the conviction one had to be busy all the time, so reflection and meditation are hard won epiphanies for me. My mother suffered from Alzheimer’s for several years, so I mistakenly thought I had already said goodbye. She connected most with me through gardening, and I am trying to turn my brown thumb green in her honor.

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