January 11. 2012

The beginning of this Round has thrown me for a loop.  During the break, I realized that I had to organize my writing more than I had in the past. I decided to take a new job the day before this Round started, so I realized that I had to organize my detritus.  Still, for the past week, I have felt as though I’m swimming in molasses. Some of it, I’m sure, is the allergies exacerbated by working in the dust and dirt of the garage over the weekend.  However, I recognize some of it as feeling rudderless in the face of so much change.

I made the grand statement at the end of Round 4 last year that I was a writer who works as a librarian, not a librarian dabbling in writing.  I still feel that very strongly, but I am not sure who that writer is.  I’ve shoved her into closets for so long, it’s a miracle she’s alive.  I realized one way to find out who she is would be to let her write; I’ve been  intrigued by Kait Nolan’s test mile concept, and I think it might be time to strap on the running shoes to see what happens.

As further disturbance to the comfort zone, I ran across Chuck Wendig’s post on 25 things writers need to stop doing.  It seemed to be the final push to make me sit back and think hard about my life.  Jenny Hansen’s post this past Monday on fears was a great follow up to a series on fear done on the Writers in the Storm blog; all these ruminations and fears and nervousness and change boiled over when I read the 25 things post.

I am so scared, I’m gibbering in fear.  I’m scared of success, I’m scared of failure.  I’m scared of the move to a town in which I’ve spent less than 36 hours.  The new day job is a step up in responsibility, which my logical mind knows I am thoroughly ready to do, while my inner child is cowering in the corner.

Perhaps because of all this teenage angst (and I’m middle-aged, so it doesn’t seem fair) about who I am, I have totally dried up on writing.   I hope that letting myself write a test mile of 500 words a day, I can find out what the heck I want to write.

So, for the next few weeks, I think that is all I’m going to do with the writing goal.  While I feel the pressure of promised reviews and blog posts, I don’t think it will work to have an assignment every day. I need to dig out the well a bit, and wait for the water to clear to potability.

I will continue the other goals, as they are helping quell the craziness of my life a bit.  While I wish I had progress to report, I find it very helpful to have the accountability to all of you.  Please go cheer on all the other ROWer’s here.